I Want to Eat EVERYTHING!

Ladies, you can relate to me when I say, there comes a time every month when you have this feeling. You're not quite sure where it came from or how it came to you, but it's there.  It may hit you when you're going to work, or watching tv, or at the worst possible moment.... 


IN THE GROCERY STORE.


Yes, it is the "I WANT TO EAT EVERYTHING!" time.  It's the worst part of the month, when you've worked so hard to eat only good things and be so active. You're life was the model that everyone followed.  You're life resembled this plate.

You were bright, happy, healthy.  Just like the plate.  But then IT came.  And now you trudge through the grocery store, staring at everything.


That is how I feel.


I went to the grocery store just to pick up a few staples, nothing special.  I felt like I was on the prowl for something.  I was a ravenous wild cat hunting for a tasty snack.  

My teeth were morphing into something new.  I didn't remember them being that sharp.  And my hands were morphing into paws, swiping all sorts of things into my basket.  I had tunnel vision.  My goal: Eat!!


My transformation was almost complete. And soon, there I was. A Wild cat. In the middle of my grocery store.

See! There's me at the bottom, totally morphed into the wild cat, stalking my prey....

My mission of picking up milk, cereal, and bread was in forgotten.  I looked down at my basket with pride.

Minus the confetti. My grocery store isn't that cheerful.

I strutted to the check out, content with my capture.  The lady did not share my happiness.  Rather she looked unsure at to how to react to my findings.

Whatever, if she can't appreciate the glory of chocolate mousse, ice cream, chips, jolly ranchers, and yogurt (just to make myself feel better about buying junk food), then too bad!  


When I got back to my apartment, I plopped down on the sofa, not bothering to put away any of my items, and ate myself into a coma.  

There I was, beached in the middle of my apartment.  Basking in the glory of having fulfilled my quest: Eat Everything.

Sometimes I Think I Have Super Powers

Most people think they have super powers when they are little. Like the little boy in the Volkswagen Super Bowl commercial.

I still think I have super powers.

When I was little....

And Now...

Some days I wake up and think, "I CAN MOVE THINGS WITH MY MIND!" So in the privacy of my apartment, I stare at things hoping they will move thinking I'm like John Travolta in Phenomenon. Hoping my sunglasses will spin just like in the movie. In the end, this is what I look like.

Much to my chagrin, nothing happens.  Then I become even more frustrated thinking that if I stare at it harder, with angrier eyes, maybe I can frighten my sunglasses into moving.

Again, nothing happens. So instead of giving up and realizing that I am a homo sapien and and homo sapiens don't have super powers.  I get angry! And then I make my rage face!! 

But on the inside.  Outside, my face remains blank. So actually, this is what I look like.

All these faces and attempts are repeated multiple times throughout the day.  Each time ends the same way. Until I go to bed dejected and feeling the pangs of failure from having not exercising my super powers of telekinesis.  


Until tomorrow..... 

Hello World! I am Socially Awkward.

This does little to no justice to my actual existence.  My friends say I'm quirky, or weird...in the good way. I'm sure some of you have heard that before.


Why? Why are you socially awkward? How do you know?  


Well being told you're weird *pause* in a good way is a definite sign. And I'm pretty sure my parents have at several occasions thought I was "special."


If I was an animal, I'm pretty sure I would be eaten relatively quickly.  Because animals like this do not survive.

Only animals like THIS survive!

I do not go "ROAR!"


And I definitely do no follow the rules of the animal kingdom.  Even when I was little.  Children often band together in little gangs at school, go on play dates, etc. Not me. I wanted to play by my self.  I was happy to be on my own.  I didn't need or want other people to mess up my game.


I was a hermit crab surrounded by schools of fish.  And I am happy to be a hermit crab.  I didn't need anyone.  All I needed was a new shell every now and then.  That was cool. A little social interaction never hurt.

So Hello World!  From one hermit crab to the rest of the universe.