Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Neighbors

Normally, I don't have any issues with my neighbors.  In fact, I've never had any really terrible neighbors.  But I do have a bunch of pet peeves, and for some reason no matter where I live, there's always one neighbor who manages to do one of my pet peeves. So here is a list of things that make you a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad neighbor.

1. Music

Don't take this the wrong way.  I love music, but I don't like hearing YOUR music in my apartment.  When I can feel my door or floor vibrating, because you wanted to appreciate the bass or whatever it is you're doing, something is wrong.

Not just a little bit wrong, a lot a bit wrong. 

I appreciate you're love for your music.  But I don't appreciate you loving your music in my apartment.  And when I can hear your electronic/techno music over Say Yes to the Dress.  When that happens, my rage face starts to come out.

It begins with the "Are you kidding me??" face.  And not the laughing, are you kidding face.  

This is the serious "Are you kidding?" face

This is the prelude the "ROAR!!!" face.

 

2. Arguing

 

I'd like to help you if you have any problems, but that only counts if I know you.  Personally, I don't care about the fact that you're mad that your boyfriend missed your date to watch Toddlers and Tiaras.  Fact is he probably hates that show as much as I do.  Instead he'd rather be watching the South Park episode with Honey Boo Boo.

 

Because clearly, this is more entertaining than this

 

No offense to TLC or Toddlers and Tiaras, but it's not my thing.

 

I don't want to hear you screaming at him over the phone.  Why?? Because your personal life shouldn't enter the 4 walls that are my apartment unless I offer to fix them or let them enter.

 

All this leads to the progression of the rage face.

 

 3. Stomping

 

Really, I'm pretty sure you're not part of Stomp!  Odds are that your life is not this:

 

 

As cool as this is, I don't want to hear you literally stomping arou

 

nd your apartment.  Maybe you should wear some slippers!  Really.  You can get them at Target.

 

I'LL EVEN GIVE YOU MY SLIPPERS!!

 

Ladies, this includes you stumbling into your hard wood floored apartment at 3AM in your 6" heels.

 

First question, how do you walk in those??? Really?  I'd fall over and die!  So major cookies to you for being able to wear them, but please please please please!!!! take off your shoes before stumbling around your apartment for an hour at 3AM after you get back from the bar.

 

This type of thing leads to the sleepy rage face.

 

 

 

So far that's all I can think of.  I'm sure there are more annoying things I could think of, but these are the major ones.

What have I learned from all this?

Go to sleep with headphones! Then I can't hear you, and I can only hear what I want to hear.

How I Perceive Myself

I'm not going to lie, whenever I picture my self doing something, it's always 1000 times more epic in my mind than it is in real life.  It's kind of along the lines of the super powers idea, but it's not the same.  I picture my hobbies to be so much more exciting than they actually are.

For example, I started doing archery.  Every time I go to the range I feel like I'm like Russell Crowe in Robin Hood or Merida in Brave.  But I am neither a man nor Scottish.

This is how I envision my trips to the range. LOTS of epic.  Also, with accompanying epic music from Two Steps from Hell.

But not CGI and defineity not medieval.

This is more like what I do.

But I'm an adult, and my bow is not made of plastic.

Also, I started sewing.  It's nothing special.  I've made a couple skirts and a dress.  The dress sucked to put together.  Whoever writes those instructions need to write them for people who have never sewed before.  Just an FYI.  Anyways, while I'm putting these together, I'm picturing that my final product is going to be this super awesome costume or gown or in the future I'm going to make something like that.  

This is what I'm thinking of.

 

Amazing, elaborate costumes

or

a beautiful gown that I'd never be able to wear in real life, but I'd have it.

This is reality.

 

It's not this exact pattern, but I have a skirt pattern that's pretty much the same.

This is the predicament of my life.  However, even though I may never be able to be Robin Hood or Merida in this life, mayhaps the zombies will rise and I can put my archery skills to use.

But the costumes and gown ambition, that may possibly come to fruition.  After some classes and lots of frustration with pleats, bustles, easing, and much else, we'll see what happens.

30 Day Shred

So I've been working out pretty hard and been seriously counting calories.

I FINALLY learned portion control and how to mange what I eat.  Thank you to SparkPeople.com!

I lost 30 pounds, but then Christmas happened.... It wasn't as bad as it could have been, but I still feel like I could have been more attentive to my meals and working out.

However, my friend did the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred and she looks fantastic!  And she's kept up with it.  And then my mom asked me about it, so I'm her guinea pig. And well... I'm trying it for myself.

Here's how it works.  You do 10 days each level, and there are 3 levels.

Day 1

The 20 minute workout felt like it was FOREVER! I thought I was going to die. My legs burned, my arms hurt, and all I wanted to do was lay down and die.  But I stuck with it.  I felt so good after the workout.  It was brutal, but 100% worth it.

Day 2

I woke up sore.  My back was sore; my legs were sore. I didn't want to move.  So I did a puzzle and looked for a job.  However, when 9 PM rolled around I figured I should probably get off my butt and actually do something.  The workout was so much better.  However, I did put on South Park and watched that while I was working out.  That probably helped distract me.  Don't get me wrong, it was still hard.  

I've got 8 more days with level 1.  We'll see how it goes.

Turns out you can do the 30 Day Shred on YouTube!  Here's one video that has all 3 levels in one video.

The 5 Things of Christmas....

If you haven't heard the 12 Pains of Christmas song, you need to listen to it now.  Right now.  

This may be the best Christmas song. Ever.

Anyways, the 12 Pains of Christmas aside, I think maybe I'll jump on the 12 Things of Christmas bandwagon and make my own list of things that are particularly memorable at Christmas time.  And, there's no way I was getting to 12, so here goes.

1. Decorating the Tree

I know, I'm stealing an idea from the 12 Pains of Christmas song, but hear me out.  Decorating the tree is always fondly remembered as a joyful occasion with Christmas songs in the background.  At least, this is how we would like to remember decorating the tree.  

After pushing aside some of those "memories" that I know I created, decorating the tree is always this grand occasion of first hauling up ALL the boxes that are falling apart and hidden in the vast abyss that is the basement.  Isn't that always the case?  The one time you need to drag out all your Christmas ornaments, they're in boxes that are more duct tape than cardboard.  Also, you try to remember which box has which ornament.  Why do we even bother trying to organize them?

After you've spend 5 hours first locating the boxes, then hauling them up from the case, you FINALLY begin.  What happened to this supposed organization that you did last year?  You can't find your baby ornament, and none of the boxes labels make sense.  Meanwhile, you're wondering, "Who decided that 

'bunnies' was a good label?  There are only 4 rabbit ornaments!"

In your desperation to find a home on the tree for ALL your ornaments, you realize they don't all fit.  But you're going to make them fit.  Don't worry, tree branches can hold 4 ornaments.  Definitely. 

Finally, your masterpiece has been created.  And it looks something like this

There was a tree under there when you started...

2. Presents

Who doesn't like presents???  The getting, not just the giving part.  Or is that supposed to be the other way around?  Either way.  Presents are awesome for this singular reason.  Some people cannot wrap presents.

You give them credit for trying, but sometimes words cannot express how poorly some presents are wrapped.  Here are a few.

This my friends is a bicycle. Really??  That's like trying to wrap a Big Wheel.  Can't you just stick a bow on it and call it a day.  Forget the wrapping paper.  but look at how they wrapped the seat!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! 

Behold!!

Christmas wrapping at its finest.  I LOVE getting presents like this.  You can't ever let this down... ever.

I have saved the best for last.

Wow... just wow.

Words cannot describe this patchwork (literally) Christmas wrapping.

To submit you're own terribly wrapped presents go to http://manwrapt.com/

3. Sibling Camaraderie

Yes, it's spelled correctly.  Google that.

Anyways, I feel like when all my siblings get together we're kind of like the Marx Brothers.  I like to think that I'm the Harpo of the clan (because he's my favorite).

But, who gets to bother you and poke you incessantly? No one.  Just like in the lemonade stand sketch.

  

Especially the bit where Harp and Chico keep making the lemonade stand guy hold their legs and trade hats.  

Also, these are probably the only people in my life who could mirror my moves, just to bother me.  Just like in the Marx brothers' most famous sketch.

4. Screaming

And no holiday would be complete without someone getting mad at the other person.  What do we get mad over?? Nothing serious!! It's always one of these few things:  "STOP TOUCHING ME!" "COME HERE!" "STOP POKING ME!" or someone's name.

Sometimes I think my family can be summed up during the poke war between Sid the Sloth and the Baby in Ice Age.

5. Music & Movies

Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas music and Christmas movies as much as the next person.  But I don't enjoy listening to the same Christmas album 5 times in a row.  Nor do I enjoy watching the same Christmas movie (or any movie for that matter) 10 times over a weekend.

Christmas is one of those special times of the year when you get to listen to the same Christmas album 15 times in a row, and you CAN'T say anything about it. 

Why?? Because it's Christmas music!  That's like saying you hate cookies.  

Everyone likes cookies.

Like when Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmas Time" comes on the radio.  Even though I cannot find the words to describe how much I loathe this song, I still have to listen to it.

Why?? Because it's Christmas music.  And by default it will be played on the radio.

However, I do wish they'd play more classic Christmas songs and include more things like the Ave Maria.  (Even though the Ave Maria isn't really a Christmas song).

On that note, I'll leave you with that song.  

Merry Christmas!!!

A Day in the Life of a Bunny

I've always loved bunnies. A lot. A lot. A lot. They make wonderful companions and have the funniest personalities. Meet my bunnies, past and present.

This is Bunbun.

He was my very first bunny that was all mine to take care of.  I had him for almost 3 years, so needless to say, he was my buddy.

The picture above is pouting.

This is Sophia.

She's my current bunny.  She's 6.

Anyways, after having these two bunny buddies, I think I've got a bunny's routine down.


They're the same breed... ish Bunbun was a dwarf.  When he was all spread out, he was maybe 14 inches long. 

That includes his feet.

Sophia is about that size measuring from nose to tail.  Anyways... Back to a bunny's activities.  Here are a list of what I've seen are a bunny's favorite activities.

1. Eating

Both Bunbun and Sophia are little piggies.  Maybe I have an affinity for really hungry bunnies.  Bunnies need lots and lots of hay and leafy greens.  Carrots can be used as treats, but NEVER use nuts and dried fruit for rabbit treats.  Bunnies' digestive tracks weren't designed to process foods like that.

Don't confuse this with being eaten.

Bunnies do not like being eaten.
Bunbun wasn't a fan of anything in cooking.

2. Grooming

Sophia and Bunbun are really particular about how they look.  They groom themselves constantly.

I guess they wanted to make sure they were extra clean, and that they looked super stylish for all their bunny friends.

It's the cutest thing when they clean their ears!!

3. Relaxing

I think this is by far my bunnies' favorite activity. Both Sophia and Bunbun are content to sit and be calm.

Sophia likes sitting in her box.

Bunbun prefers blankets.

Sometimes, when Sophia is really really content in her relaxing, she flops over.

Bunny Flop!!
And below, more bunny flops!!!
No, the one in the video isn't mine, but that doesn't mean he's not cute.

4. Snuggles and Pets

Bunnies look snuggly because they love to snuggle.  I wish I had some pictures of either Bunbun or Sophia snuggling, but I was too busy giving them attention to get a picture.

Sophia is very funny and asks for pets.

5. Exploring = Binkies

My bunnies LOVED  to explore.  Sophia and Bunbun are the same breed, Hotot, which are known for their curious personalities.  And those two have plenty of it.

Bunbun was so small he got into a lot of places he shouldn't have.  But. That didn't stop him.

What's in here?

Sophia likes to explore too, but since she's older, she doesn't explore as much as Bunbun did.

She also likes to explore under blankets.

Surprise!  It's a bunny!

I don't have any pictures of them doing binkies, but here's a video of another bunny doing them.

6. Sleep

All the exploring takes it out of my poor little bunnies.  So they like to take lots and lots of long naps.

Sophia can sleep pretty much anywhere, even on phone books.

Bunbun was more picky and needed to be somewhere comfortable, like my bed.

I think I covered the main things they like to do.  Granted each on has different likes and dislikes, but most bunnies like to do the above.

I'm not quite sure how to categorize this last one.  Bunbun was a pretty intellectual bunny.

Adventures with Food

Normally, I don't cook. Ever.  I'm one of those people who manages to make the most disgusting food imaginable unless I follow a recipe.  My concoctions are so gross that if I had a dog, my dog probably wouldn't eat it.

My poor non-existant pet dog.  He would look up at me in pain as my attempt at culinary awesomeness failed, and he would suffer the consequences.

However, I must report that tonight my attempt at being an iron chef was met with success!!!

Ingredients:

1. Chicken
2. Chipotle Mayo
3. Toast (or tortilla if you want to make a wrap, or bun, whatever. Something to make your chicken and veggies and mayo not fall all over yourself)
4. Zucchini
5. Summer Squash
6. Red Bell Pepper

Why these ingredients??

1. Chicken is delicious
2. Chipotle mayo is the best thing ever invented.
3. Toast is wonderful to eat any time of day.
4. These veggies are the only ones I like to eat.

These are pretty widely available, so if you're missing finding these ingredients should be pretty easy.  They also should be a pretty reasonable prices too.

But if this sandwich is so good, how do I make it?

I'm getting there.

1. Cut the veggies into slices.
2. Flatten out the chicken. (you can use a rolling pin or if you have one of those tenderizer hammer do-dads, you can use that.)
3. Cook the veggies and chicken. (don't cook the veggies until they're translucent, just so they're brown.  And you'll probably need some oil)
4. Season your veggies with salt and pepper midway through cooking.
5. Make your toast.
6. Cover toast with Chipotle mayo.
7. Assemble Sandwich.

SUCCESS!!! Awesome sammich created! And in less than 30 minutes.

 Enjoy your sammich.  Smile with pride in the success of making and yummy delicious dinner.

 

 



I don't think I'd be more happy than if I was Willy Wonka ripping on the kids visiting the chocolate factory without them noticing.

One of the many hilarious parts of the movie!

 

Or the part when Violet takes the gum and starts chewing it, even thought Mr. Wonka said it wasn't finished yet.

 

 

Bwahahahahaha!!!!!

 

What have I learned about when my cooking adventures actually work out??

 

1. I'm really happy eating.
2. I think I'm a master chef.
3. I think I'm Willy Wonka.
4. I want to watch Willy Wonka.

And since I'm feeling in the Wonka spirit... Here's a clip. Enjoy!

 

 

 

Words and Phrases that Should be Removed from the English Language

After spending a weekend with my family, I was reminded or several word and phrases that should never have been included in the English language.  Quite frankly, these should be removed ASAP.

1. Team Fill in the Blank

My mom reminded me of this one while we were talking about the next word.  My sister used to refer to the family as "Team Zolnowski". Uh.... That's the part where you just smile and keep moving.

But I think she was on to something.  There have been so many Team somethings I can't even recall all of them.


The one that I can't escape is Team Jacob vs. Team Edward.

Do you remember this one?

If the Team whatever concept wasn't dumb enough, let's make it revolve around Twilight.  Someone please excuse me while I go barf, because merely writing about Twilight makes me feel nauseous. 

How about Team I'm Going to Kick You in the Face for Making a New Team Something? 

2. Baller

I didn't even know people still said this until my sister said this to me in an email.  I thought that was gone when I left high school.  Apparently not.

I hated this word when I was 16, and I still hate it now.  Even though Jersey Shore didn't exist back then, but that's the mental image I had then.



Please, please, please help me get rid of this word.  Words cannot describe how much I want to grab a basketball and throw it at your face when you say it.

3. Ain't

Am I mistaken or did this word actually make it in the dictionary?  Not sure on this one, but either way, it should still not be said.  I'm not wasting any more time on this.
 

4. Totes

No. Just no. And other abbreviations like this.  Especially totes adorbs. or however it's spelled.

This is what I think of when people say Totes Adorbs.

Tote bags with ADORBS written over it.

No. Totes is a noun.  Not an adverb. Not an adjective.  It is a noun.  It means a large bag that normally women carry and throw lots of stuff in.

5. Besties

I didn't even know this word existed until my best friend came home from college for Thanksgiving her freshman year.  Since then she hasen't stopped saying it.  Then she started texting it.

When I first read it, I thought it said beasties.  Why are you referring to me as an overly aggressive animal??

They like to roar at each other.  That's what Bestie Beasties like to do.  Really though, if dangerous animals are the first thing that come to mind instead of a best friend, this word should just be elimintated.

6. Irregardles

This is not a word!! Of all the so called words up here, this is NOT a word.  Never never never say this.  Regardless works just as well. 

This "word" is locked in time forever on film too.  In Band of Brothers, Captain Sobel says irregardless to Winters.  Ugh... I love this series, but everytime that scene happens, I cringe. Just watch.

Skip ahead to 1:09 to hear "Irregardles" locked on film forever. Sadness.

7. Ridonkulous

 

Again, I thought this was a dead word when I left high school, but it lives on.  Some of these words are like cockroaches.  They refuse to die and are indestructible.

These cockroaches are these words.

Who came up with this???  You sound ridiculous saying ridonkulous. This word makes you sound like an idiot.  Stop it!