The Different Types of Shoppers

Despite having my BA in both French and Philosophy and being almost finished getting my paralegal certificate (I was hoping a 2 year program would give me more time to find a real job… wrong.), I’m still working retail.

Very quickly I figured out that there are only 3 types of shoppers.

1. The "Go Fetch Me Everything" Shopper
2. The "Leave Me Alone" shopper
3. The "I Know What I Want.  This is What it is. Where is it?" Shopper

Shopper #1: The “Go Fetch Me Everything” shopper. 

They are the kind of shopper that wants the sales person to do pamper them.  They don’t come in for anything in particular, but they want you to do everything for them.  Go find things for them to try, tell them how they look (and of course it can only be good things), and basically be their personal tour guide in the store.  This is the relationship.

These people clearly have not moved past the 18^th Century and very clearly the French revolution didn’t happen and there is still a highly stratified class system, and you, the worker, are at the bottom.  Even though they ask nicely, what they basically say is, “Go fetch me my slippers.”

Here is what I do to them

Smile. What else can you do? All I have to say, is if I’m waiting on you hand and foot, you better buy a ton of stuff so I can make my sales quota.  Also, I get paid to sell things, not pamper you.  If you want to get pampered and have someone focused entirely on you, go to a spa or a hair salon. I don’t get paid to wait on you.

This is the worst scenario that arises from this type of shopper.  After you invest tons of time and energy into trying to find them the exact item they want, the following scene follows:

After dealing with these shoppers, I often make this face. Just because they seem to suck all the energy out of you and leave you with nothing.

Shopper #2: The “Leave Me Alone” Shopper

This shopper is either highly independent or in a herd.  These shoppers are either the Rambo of shoppers or like Cher from Clueless.  The Rambo-type are direct, don’t say much, and never loiter.  I like these shoppers.  Every time one walks in, this is the image in my mind.

Don’t mess with these shoppers. They don’t want your help.  They can brave the wild mall by themselves.

The Cher-type of these shoppers is just like what they sound.  Often appearing in herds, these are the most common types of shoppers. They don’t want your opinion, just those of their friends.  You, the employee, are invisible to them.

These shoppers somehow have magnets attached to them, but not normal magnets because they only attract only shoppers of the same kind.  So instead of a normal magnet that does this:

They do this.

For some reason, the laws of physics (or magnetism if you want to get specific) don’t apply to these shoppers.

I don’t make any faces at these customers. Ask them once or twice how they’re doing, and leave them alone.  If they want help, they’ll find you.  Generally, their only question is, “What do you think?” if they speak to you at all.

Shopper #3 The “I Know What I Want.  This is What it is. Where is it?” Shopper

These shoppers are similar to the previous shopper, however unlike the Rambo shoppers, these shoppers are more like the Matt Damon of shoppers.  Friendly, but don’t want anything they aren’t interested in.  These people are on a mission.  When I see them, the mental image of Jason Bourne pops in my mind.

These are the BEST shoppers in the world! I love these shoppers! Our interactions are short and to the point.  They are in and out of the store as quick as possible. I cannot express enough how much I wish every shopper was like this shopper.

While the other types of shoppers either ignore your presence or abuse your presence, this shopper is cordial and has the employee do exactly what the job entails, thus leaving the employee basking in the glory of a job well done.