The 5 Things of Christmas....

If you haven't heard the 12 Pains of Christmas song, you need to listen to it now.  Right now.  

This may be the best Christmas song. Ever.

Anyways, the 12 Pains of Christmas aside, I think maybe I'll jump on the 12 Things of Christmas bandwagon and make my own list of things that are particularly memorable at Christmas time.  And, there's no way I was getting to 12, so here goes.

1. Decorating the Tree

I know, I'm stealing an idea from the 12 Pains of Christmas song, but hear me out.  Decorating the tree is always fondly remembered as a joyful occasion with Christmas songs in the background.  At least, this is how we would like to remember decorating the tree.  

After pushing aside some of those "memories" that I know I created, decorating the tree is always this grand occasion of first hauling up ALL the boxes that are falling apart and hidden in the vast abyss that is the basement.  Isn't that always the case?  The one time you need to drag out all your Christmas ornaments, they're in boxes that are more duct tape than cardboard.  Also, you try to remember which box has which ornament.  Why do we even bother trying to organize them?

After you've spend 5 hours first locating the boxes, then hauling them up from the case, you FINALLY begin.  What happened to this supposed organization that you did last year?  You can't find your baby ornament, and none of the boxes labels make sense.  Meanwhile, you're wondering, "Who decided that 

'bunnies' was a good label?  There are only 4 rabbit ornaments!"

In your desperation to find a home on the tree for ALL your ornaments, you realize they don't all fit.  But you're going to make them fit.  Don't worry, tree branches can hold 4 ornaments.  Definitely. 

Finally, your masterpiece has been created.  And it looks something like this

There was a tree under there when you started...

2. Presents

Who doesn't like presents???  The getting, not just the giving part.  Or is that supposed to be the other way around?  Either way.  Presents are awesome for this singular reason.  Some people cannot wrap presents.

You give them credit for trying, but sometimes words cannot express how poorly some presents are wrapped.  Here are a few.

This my friends is a bicycle. Really??  That's like trying to wrap a Big Wheel.  Can't you just stick a bow on it and call it a day.  Forget the wrapping paper.  but look at how they wrapped the seat!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! 

Behold!!

Christmas wrapping at its finest.  I LOVE getting presents like this.  You can't ever let this down... ever.

I have saved the best for last.

Wow... just wow.

Words cannot describe this patchwork (literally) Christmas wrapping.

To submit you're own terribly wrapped presents go to http://manwrapt.com/

3. Sibling Camaraderie

Yes, it's spelled correctly.  Google that.

Anyways, I feel like when all my siblings get together we're kind of like the Marx Brothers.  I like to think that I'm the Harpo of the clan (because he's my favorite).

But, who gets to bother you and poke you incessantly? No one.  Just like in the lemonade stand sketch.

  

Especially the bit where Harp and Chico keep making the lemonade stand guy hold their legs and trade hats.  

Also, these are probably the only people in my life who could mirror my moves, just to bother me.  Just like in the Marx brothers' most famous sketch.

4. Screaming

And no holiday would be complete without someone getting mad at the other person.  What do we get mad over?? Nothing serious!! It's always one of these few things:  "STOP TOUCHING ME!" "COME HERE!" "STOP POKING ME!" or someone's name.

Sometimes I think my family can be summed up during the poke war between Sid the Sloth and the Baby in Ice Age.

5. Music & Movies

Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas music and Christmas movies as much as the next person.  But I don't enjoy listening to the same Christmas album 5 times in a row.  Nor do I enjoy watching the same Christmas movie (or any movie for that matter) 10 times over a weekend.

Christmas is one of those special times of the year when you get to listen to the same Christmas album 15 times in a row, and you CAN'T say anything about it. 

Why?? Because it's Christmas music!  That's like saying you hate cookies.  

Everyone likes cookies.

Like when Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmas Time" comes on the radio.  Even though I cannot find the words to describe how much I loathe this song, I still have to listen to it.

Why?? Because it's Christmas music.  And by default it will be played on the radio.

However, I do wish they'd play more classic Christmas songs and include more things like the Ave Maria.  (Even though the Ave Maria isn't really a Christmas song).

On that note, I'll leave you with that song.  

Merry Christmas!!!

A Day in the Life of a Bunny

I've always loved bunnies. A lot. A lot. A lot. They make wonderful companions and have the funniest personalities. Meet my bunnies, past and present.

This is Bunbun.

He was my very first bunny that was all mine to take care of.  I had him for almost 3 years, so needless to say, he was my buddy.

The picture above is pouting.

This is Sophia.

She's my current bunny.  She's 6.

Anyways, after having these two bunny buddies, I think I've got a bunny's routine down.


They're the same breed... ish Bunbun was a dwarf.  When he was all spread out, he was maybe 14 inches long. 

That includes his feet.

Sophia is about that size measuring from nose to tail.  Anyways... Back to a bunny's activities.  Here are a list of what I've seen are a bunny's favorite activities.

1. Eating

Both Bunbun and Sophia are little piggies.  Maybe I have an affinity for really hungry bunnies.  Bunnies need lots and lots of hay and leafy greens.  Carrots can be used as treats, but NEVER use nuts and dried fruit for rabbit treats.  Bunnies' digestive tracks weren't designed to process foods like that.

Don't confuse this with being eaten.

Bunnies do not like being eaten.
Bunbun wasn't a fan of anything in cooking.

2. Grooming

Sophia and Bunbun are really particular about how they look.  They groom themselves constantly.

I guess they wanted to make sure they were extra clean, and that they looked super stylish for all their bunny friends.

It's the cutest thing when they clean their ears!!

3. Relaxing

I think this is by far my bunnies' favorite activity. Both Sophia and Bunbun are content to sit and be calm.

Sophia likes sitting in her box.

Bunbun prefers blankets.

Sometimes, when Sophia is really really content in her relaxing, she flops over.

Bunny Flop!!
And below, more bunny flops!!!
No, the one in the video isn't mine, but that doesn't mean he's not cute.

4. Snuggles and Pets

Bunnies look snuggly because they love to snuggle.  I wish I had some pictures of either Bunbun or Sophia snuggling, but I was too busy giving them attention to get a picture.

Sophia is very funny and asks for pets.

5. Exploring = Binkies

My bunnies LOVED  to explore.  Sophia and Bunbun are the same breed, Hotot, which are known for their curious personalities.  And those two have plenty of it.

Bunbun was so small he got into a lot of places he shouldn't have.  But. That didn't stop him.

What's in here?

Sophia likes to explore too, but since she's older, she doesn't explore as much as Bunbun did.

She also likes to explore under blankets.

Surprise!  It's a bunny!

I don't have any pictures of them doing binkies, but here's a video of another bunny doing them.

6. Sleep

All the exploring takes it out of my poor little bunnies.  So they like to take lots and lots of long naps.

Sophia can sleep pretty much anywhere, even on phone books.

Bunbun was more picky and needed to be somewhere comfortable, like my bed.

I think I covered the main things they like to do.  Granted each on has different likes and dislikes, but most bunnies like to do the above.

I'm not quite sure how to categorize this last one.  Bunbun was a pretty intellectual bunny.

Adventures with Food

Normally, I don't cook. Ever.  I'm one of those people who manages to make the most disgusting food imaginable unless I follow a recipe.  My concoctions are so gross that if I had a dog, my dog probably wouldn't eat it.

My poor non-existant pet dog.  He would look up at me in pain as my attempt at culinary awesomeness failed, and he would suffer the consequences.

However, I must report that tonight my attempt at being an iron chef was met with success!!!

Ingredients:

1. Chicken
2. Chipotle Mayo
3. Toast (or tortilla if you want to make a wrap, or bun, whatever. Something to make your chicken and veggies and mayo not fall all over yourself)
4. Zucchini
5. Summer Squash
6. Red Bell Pepper

Why these ingredients??

1. Chicken is delicious
2. Chipotle mayo is the best thing ever invented.
3. Toast is wonderful to eat any time of day.
4. These veggies are the only ones I like to eat.

These are pretty widely available, so if you're missing finding these ingredients should be pretty easy.  They also should be a pretty reasonable prices too.

But if this sandwich is so good, how do I make it?

I'm getting there.

1. Cut the veggies into slices.
2. Flatten out the chicken. (you can use a rolling pin or if you have one of those tenderizer hammer do-dads, you can use that.)
3. Cook the veggies and chicken. (don't cook the veggies until they're translucent, just so they're brown.  And you'll probably need some oil)
4. Season your veggies with salt and pepper midway through cooking.
5. Make your toast.
6. Cover toast with Chipotle mayo.
7. Assemble Sandwich.

SUCCESS!!! Awesome sammich created! And in less than 30 minutes.

 Enjoy your sammich.  Smile with pride in the success of making and yummy delicious dinner.

 

 



I don't think I'd be more happy than if I was Willy Wonka ripping on the kids visiting the chocolate factory without them noticing.

One of the many hilarious parts of the movie!

 

Or the part when Violet takes the gum and starts chewing it, even thought Mr. Wonka said it wasn't finished yet.

 

 

Bwahahahahaha!!!!!

 

What have I learned about when my cooking adventures actually work out??

 

1. I'm really happy eating.
2. I think I'm a master chef.
3. I think I'm Willy Wonka.
4. I want to watch Willy Wonka.

And since I'm feeling in the Wonka spirit... Here's a clip. Enjoy!

 

 

 

Words and Phrases that Should be Removed from the English Language

After spending a weekend with my family, I was reminded or several word and phrases that should never have been included in the English language.  Quite frankly, these should be removed ASAP.

1. Team Fill in the Blank

My mom reminded me of this one while we were talking about the next word.  My sister used to refer to the family as "Team Zolnowski". Uh.... That's the part where you just smile and keep moving.

But I think she was on to something.  There have been so many Team somethings I can't even recall all of them.


The one that I can't escape is Team Jacob vs. Team Edward.

Do you remember this one?

If the Team whatever concept wasn't dumb enough, let's make it revolve around Twilight.  Someone please excuse me while I go barf, because merely writing about Twilight makes me feel nauseous. 

How about Team I'm Going to Kick You in the Face for Making a New Team Something? 

2. Baller

I didn't even know people still said this until my sister said this to me in an email.  I thought that was gone when I left high school.  Apparently not.

I hated this word when I was 16, and I still hate it now.  Even though Jersey Shore didn't exist back then, but that's the mental image I had then.



Please, please, please help me get rid of this word.  Words cannot describe how much I want to grab a basketball and throw it at your face when you say it.

3. Ain't

Am I mistaken or did this word actually make it in the dictionary?  Not sure on this one, but either way, it should still not be said.  I'm not wasting any more time on this.
 

4. Totes

No. Just no. And other abbreviations like this.  Especially totes adorbs. or however it's spelled.

This is what I think of when people say Totes Adorbs.

Tote bags with ADORBS written over it.

No. Totes is a noun.  Not an adverb. Not an adjective.  It is a noun.  It means a large bag that normally women carry and throw lots of stuff in.

5. Besties

I didn't even know this word existed until my best friend came home from college for Thanksgiving her freshman year.  Since then she hasen't stopped saying it.  Then she started texting it.

When I first read it, I thought it said beasties.  Why are you referring to me as an overly aggressive animal??

They like to roar at each other.  That's what Bestie Beasties like to do.  Really though, if dangerous animals are the first thing that come to mind instead of a best friend, this word should just be elimintated.

6. Irregardles

This is not a word!! Of all the so called words up here, this is NOT a word.  Never never never say this.  Regardless works just as well. 

This "word" is locked in time forever on film too.  In Band of Brothers, Captain Sobel says irregardless to Winters.  Ugh... I love this series, but everytime that scene happens, I cringe. Just watch.

Skip ahead to 1:09 to hear "Irregardles" locked on film forever. Sadness.

7. Ridonkulous

 

Again, I thought this was a dead word when I left high school, but it lives on.  Some of these words are like cockroaches.  They refuse to die and are indestructible.

These cockroaches are these words.

Who came up with this???  You sound ridiculous saying ridonkulous. This word makes you sound like an idiot.  Stop it!

Interviewing is Like Speed Dating

Not that I've ever been speed dating, but I have been on a fair amount of interview.  After all the pain for each 30-45 minute meeting, I walk out feeling rejected and hopeless, which is how I imagine an unsuccessful speed dating venture to feel. But here are the parallels.

You get all dressed up.

Not just clothing wise, but everything.  For interviews, you put on your best suit along with hiding all the not so good parts of your personality.  Only show your best side.  Same things for speed dating.  Put on your best outfit, put on all your makeup, only show your good side.  Then you wrap all of this up in a smile.  After all this effort they HAVE to pick you, right? WRONG!!

It's like the final song in Grease, minus all the singing and choreographed dancing.

You're trapped either in a room or at a table with some stranger trying to convince them that you are the one they want.  You have the best resume or the right looks or best whatever.  Bottom line, you want to prove that you're the best, and you should be picked.

You're asked the same awkward questions.

Now that you've just met someone, they want to know what you plan on doing in the next 5 years and about who you are.  Whoa honey! I just met you 30 seconds ago. Slow down. And no you can't tell the about all the cool things you do like building fires out of rocks and sticks, or building crazy jungle traps to catch Predator. Nope, can't say that.  Trust me.  I told my interviewer that I liked Army trucks and did archery.  I knew the girl interviewing after me, and she told the guy that I really liked zombies.

This was me in that moment. Quantum-locked in awkwardness.

Because let's face it.  The guy didn't really care about trucks, archery, or zombies. (even though preparing for zombies is really important!! They will rise!)  He just wanted to know if I could do the job.  Which is what in the end everyone is looking for, someone who can do the job they want, whether it be a secretary, intern, girlfriend, husband, wife, or whatever else they want.  The rest, really isn't that important.  They'll figure it out later.

I would say more, but Predator is on TV and I really want to watch it.  It's the best part! So do everyone a favor and

Happy weekend!!

If I Was Locked in a Room Alone

Sorry all, I've neglected my blog.  But I'm back!! So, I figured with all of this pushing to make people function in a social, extroverted environment, I thought I'd share about the benefits of being left by yourself. The best bits about being ALONE.  I figure some people if left in a room alone for a bit would be itching for human contact, but there are others, like myself, who would be perfectly content alone and treasure this alone time.


You can get so much done when you are by your lonesome.  So, imagine you are locked in a room by yourself.


What would you do?


I can't read minds, so I can't answer than question for you, but I can share what I would do.


I'd probably at first be too confused about why I magically ended up alone in this room to actually do anything.  My brain would shut down from using all of its power to try sorting out my confusion.  So, I'd just sit on the floor staring into space letting my brain reboot.

After the reboot, I would have all of this new found energy to do things.  All sorts of things.


Daydream!

I am a Master Dragon Slayer!!!!

Running!

Just like this cat, but imagine me instead.

Coloring!

Look!! Flowers! Sunshine! and a Pirate Bunny!!!

Pirate bunnies are cool.

 So in short, if you ever have no clue what to do when trapped in a room by yourself.  Get creative.  Or ask me.

What Would You Do For a Klondike Bar?

Sorry to say, I never had a Klondike bar until a few years ago.  Yep, I went through a little over 20 years before I had a Klondike bar.  

I was too busy getting slushies.

This right here is clearly the truth.

After having one, I thought it was delicious! Granted not some of the crazy things posted online, but I liked some answers for what other people would do for a Klondike bar.

Here's a few of the of the ones I found online.

1. Stand facing the wrong way in an elevator.


Why? That's nothing special, just weird. Really. You'll still be able to talk to people.


It's not like you'd be doing this.

If you did this, then you DESERVE  Klondike bar.

2. Leave my fly open for an entire day.


You are brave, because that is just 100% embarrassing.  People like me would have a spaz attack.

"Umm... Your umm... yea... open. Fix.... "

I'd see you and feel really awkward.  My brain would be so filled with awkwardness that it would go back into hibernate and I would be left unable to from a complete sentence.


So, I would resort to making noises, flapping my arms around wildly, and pointing.

Thus, resulting in me looking like an idiot and other person getting a Klondike bar.


3. Throw rocks at a sleeping grizzly bear.


Bad idea.  This will most likely result in a larger, and more angry version of this.

Or this, except not raccoons.

4. Stand barefoot in a bowl of porridge while singing "Old McDonald had a Farm."


First off, gross. Probably the most uncomfortable thing possible.  My face the entire time would be this.

I haven't had porridge before, but it looks like oatmeal.  I can barely stand to look at oatmeal. I mean look at it!!

Doesn't really look appetizing.  It looks funny. There is no way, I would willingly stand in this. Ew.


Or if you're boring, like me, you'd say.


5. Go buy one.


Probably the easiest solution if you really and truly wanted a Klondike bar, plus they sometimes comes in packs of 6 or so.  So you'd really get a lot more if you went to a store rather than doing crazy/weird things for just A (singular) Klondike bar.


So.... With this all said and done.... What would you do for a Klondike bar?

Everything is Cuter When It's Small

It seems like everywhere we turn there are smaller versions of everything. Only for somethings we say "compact", but let's face it... it's just small.  There are small headphones, cell phones, dogs, computers, even food.  Yes, food has gotten that ridiculous.


But just because something is smaller does that make it better? No, but it sure is cuter.  I'm almost 100% certain this is the reason behind toy dogs.


Don't believe me?  Let's take a look at some examples.


Exhibit A The Great Dane

See!! Look how big they are!!

When you see the Great Dane, you don't picture something cute and snugly.  I'm not talking about their personality here.  They're grand, majestic, HUGE. Not something that's cute.


Exhibit B The Cairn Terrier


Not exactly a tiny tiny dog, but whatever.  After the Wizard of Oz, what do you think of when you see this??

It's cute!!! It snuggles!!! 


And guess what? It's small.  That is why they are cute.  Just another reason why smaller is cuter.  


But does this rule apply to things other than dogs?  Yes.


Exhibit C Babies

Everyone loves babies!  Why?

Because they are small!!!

Their baby feet are smaller; their baby hands are smaller.  They are small humans.

Put aside your genetically driven parental instincts for a second.  And you realize that babies are just plain cute. I mean look at these pictures!!! How can you deny their cuteness???

Why are babies cute?? Again, because they are small.

But those things are alive.  Of course alive things are cute when they are small.  Even Great Dane puppies are cute.  But if that is the case, then why do we make small things???

Exhibit D Small Food

The formula small = cute has bee so ingrained into our minds that it plays into our perception of food.

For example, why does Burger King make cini minis?? Because not only are cinnamon rolls delicious, but making them smaller makes them better.

How???? It's a cinnamon roll??

Nom. Delicious.

They can't get any better. Right???

WRONG!

It gets better because at Burger King, they're small.  And still super delicious.

By the way, if you have not yet experienced the delicious-ness of the cini mini. Go to Burger King for breakfast now.  Don't ask questions, just do.

Anyways, how are the cini minis better??? Because they are small.  The smallness of them makes them better, and you feel less guilty about getting 2 orders of them :)

So you see.  Smallness plays a large role in our perception.  And I didn't even touch technology in this one.  I'll save that for later.  But anyways, smallness = cuteness.  Done.